Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
