Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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