you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
