so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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