Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
