I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
tell me about the fingering
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
