who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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