that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
