Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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