bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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