I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
