you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
