i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
