i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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