Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
