I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
