I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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