I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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