Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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