Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
