I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
