3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Congratulations! We have a period
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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