I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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