so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need to calm my uterus...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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