Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
