I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
