Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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