I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
