You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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