Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
