Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
