I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
