what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
