i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
