1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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