i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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