Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
