You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
