I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
