well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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