Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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