i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
