New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
