Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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