my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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