Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
