Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
