break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
