I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My vagina is officially offended.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
