every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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