well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
