Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Floor bacon is actually really good
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
