She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
