Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
